February is the month of love and brings the hype of Valentine’s Day.

Our massage studio gets busy with self-care and celebration of partner love,  most years I have been single and used this time to learn how I might feel deep self-acceptance and ‘love’.

Saying you should 'Love Yourself’ is so common it is almost trite.  

For years I wondered how to do that, how to actually tip the balance away from looking to others for most of my affirmation and good vibes to fill what seems like an energetic vacuum inside, toward loving myself. 

From being a black hole sucking in energy to a star giving off, or at least a planet that receives energy from stars and reflects a bit back.

Honestly, becoming a massage therapist was getting amazing smiles of appreciation and hugs after a great massage session.  I loved it! (Way more immediately fulfilling than writing economic numerical analysis.  And then I let my team of amazing therapists take over that massage, and lost that ‘love’ from clients.

And as my business ventures organically grew from therapeutic massage to relaxation for couples to mobile spa in Valle de Guadalupe, to excursions for cruisers, I got to be less the fun guy working with friends, to be a . . . boss.  I painfully gave up being the cool adventure boss and had to learn to not look to my work team for ‘love’.

So I developed or cobbled together a practice that works for me.  

Over many courses and workshops on yoga, massage, breathwork, spirituality, meditation, tantra, chanting, tai chi, I cobbled together something that works for me and I actually practice.  

And that is the key - works for me.  Soo many practices and traditions. Most  did not stick with me and many love, but just don’t do. 

My Self Love Routine:

Several mornings a week after my 4:30am series of asanas, and 12 min of meditation, I take myself through this practice. You can use the acronym HEARTS Smile. 

Here. Take five breaths to be totally present with myself.  Before the onslaught of thoughts and external stimuli begin. 

Expressed Delight: Say a good thing about myself or my day life that I am delighted about.  Something I can believe, not fake - even if small. 

Attunement.  Verbally notice what emotions I am feeling.  I use the NVC list of emotions to improve my emotional vocabulary. 

Ritual:  I hold this ritual for myself in the early mornings while the house is quiet, at least weekly.. 

Turn toward me.  I allow myself to consider where I am self rejecting, self-criticising, and consider that as part of myself.  

Self to begin.  I consider that my sense of love, and happiness, begins with myself, not from outside. 

The process is using my thoughts and attention, so I used to do this while looking at my eyes in the mirror to keep me rooted in my physical body.  Since I practice my Asanas by candlelight in the morning, often still with candlelight. 

I tag on a practice of Inner Smile. This practice is of placing the palms of your hands on your body, smiling and feeling/visualizing the positive energy going to that part of the body. Like from the heart, through arms into the body area.  I proceed through each body area - eyes, occipital lobe, lungs, gut, genitals taking a breath at each area with the visualization.  It wakes up that part of my body. 

It works for me.  And as a practice, I change it and adapt it over time and where I am at physical space and mentally.  

You are welcome to try this with the resources listed on the blog and resources page..  

Or develop what works for you. There are hundreds of practices from many traditions.  The ones that work, are the ones you actually practice. 

Find a way to take one more step toward self love this February. Even if you start with self care of rest, massage, bath to find the time and attention.

If you prefer the simplicity of self care as a step toward deeper self love, Reserve a Couples Valentine or Individual Self Care  package. Use code Early15 before January 31.

Resources that helped me develop my Self Love Routine: 

Resources I used:

NVC list of emotions

Jessica Fern’s Self Love 

Inner Smile practice by Mantak Chia